Sapele hardwood flooring, the West African native making a splash in Hollywood, has stirred up a whirlwind of media attention. Fashion magazines, bloggers, and the paparazzi all seem to gobble up the slender grained beauty. Critics have called foul, saying that Sapele promotes unrealistic grain image expectations for saplings. HSAGG had the opportunity to sit down with Sapele engineered flooring to discuss these allegations.
HSAGG: Thanks for joining us, Sapele. There have been allegations that you create unrealistic grain image expectations for saplings. How do you feel about that?
SM: I think that’s really unfair. The fact is, I’m naturally vertically grained, which leads to the long stripes across my surface. Now, while these characteristics help to add an expansive feel to any space I’m installed in and create beautiful, clean lines, my lifestyle is perfectly normal. I photosynthesize as much as the next wood, and my roots suck up just as many nutrients from the soil. I don’t think it’s fair to persecute me for my inherently slender grain and beautiful characteristics. I mean, what’s next, dissing my classic French Bleed? Come on.
HSAGG: And you know, Sapele, we couldn’t agree more. Thanks for coming on and setting the record straight.
SM: It’s no problem at all. And please, keep up the good work. You are seriously a God of the hardwood blogosphere.
It’s not just Sapele’s vertical grain stirring up media fervor. Sapele recently came between Maple and Hickory, with a Janka Hardness rating of 1500lbs. (Maple’s rating sits at 1450lbs, while Hickory’s is up around 1850lbs). The story goes that Hickory and Maple were picked up by police for fighting over Sapele at the posh Hollywood hardwood bar, “Modulus of Rupture.” The Smoking Gun acquired these photos post-punch-up:
Sapele and Hickory were recently spotted on the red carpet for the premiere of “Hardwood Species A-Go-Go: The Musical” starring Hugh Jackman as yours truly. When asked about the scuffle, Hickory replied, “Ain’t my fault Maple hardwood flooring’s hardness rating isn’t impressive enough for Sapele. He’s the one with the problem.”
Oh, the fame, the vanity, the glitz, the stories. I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ll see of Sapele and her Hickory beau.
Hardwood Species A-Go-Go 
Keep up the good work. This is hilarious and informative. I never thought hardwood flooring could be fun to read about…go fig.
Um, greatest works of flooring-related Photoshop work ever…? Plus Hugh Jackman, just for added sex appeal (which you totally don’t need with THOSE smoking gun pics). Way to go against the *grain* in a blogosphere of hardwood-munching fascists!
Thank you Mr. F, for your kind words. They are a bit like calling the vast and majestic ocean “blue,” but they are appreciated nonetheless.